Sinead O'Connor - I Believe In You

2 years ago today.

Our last conversation.

Had no idea then.

Was it an April Fool's joke?

I don't think so because it was too filled with hate and malice.

It didn't end.

I believe April Fool's jokes end in a good chuckle.

So, who am I fooling?

A move was made to end all.

He said not now, I said forever.

He said stop it,

He was right.

Miss that lawyer of mine.

They believed.

I was hesitant.

Though I believe now.

Amazing things have happened.

A lot of love out there.

I forgive

Never forget.

I got hurt.

Immensely.

Didn't think I'd heal

I did.

2 years ago today.

So different today.

The love is gone.

How could it not be.

The hate and destruction was so real.

I think I want to cry.

For all that was lost 2 years ago.

Forever lost.

No going back.

Nothing will replace what was lost.

New things emerge.

Love is real.

Love is grand.

Even if you question the choice of grand.

I believe it to be sweet.

I always did with them.

Maybe not so much him.

He was an asshole.

Not gonna lie.

My weakness.

To rid myself of him.

Had no strength,

Eventually it would almost kill me.

What father would do what he did.

Love his children? 

Absolutely not.

Not my problem anymore.

I protected them from him 

For years.

Some say maybe I didn't protect them.

If so, I didn't know.

I can no longer protect them.

I can no longer love.

It was 2 years ago today.

A new person.

Still loving,

Loving even more.

2 years ago today.

4 Non Blondes - What's Up

Sunday Slide

Done. Over. Finished. Completed. Ended. Wrapped up. Closed.

Exactly 14 months, 2 weeks and 4 days later and I am DIVORCED!


Woo hoo!  I believe this will always be one of the happiest days of my life....I have been over the top ecstatic starting last night and throughout the day.  The tears of joy have laid in waiting.  Though right now I am exhausted!  Spent.

I am almost numb with exhaustion but writing this makes me smile....big!

What a journey.  Amazing.  Incredible.

Tomorrow!  I am excited.  For tomorrow.

Its over.  No  more reports, no more motions, no more negotiating.  The family I would have gone to the end of the earth for  and continually did and would have over and over because I loved them that much decided that I would be better off that I be dead than alive and they damn near were successful in their desires.  But here I am alive, thriving and so ready to embrace life, love and more

I survived!  I persevered. I mended my broken heart when I didn't think it was possible.

Single homeowner.

Realtor.

Not now!

Someone read my blog.  I didn't realize that people would find my blog and actually read it.

That only means I really need to find a new home for my blog.  I have so much to say about so many things.
Injustice.  Accusations.  Healing.  Love.  Forgiveness.  Hope. Recovery. Strength.

I never wrote on the anniversary dates of all those horrific events of last April.  Wish I would have.  Even more so I wish I would have kept a blog at that time.  A lot of journaling was done but never enough.  Lots of grateful lists penned.  The story needs to be told.  If this could happen to me it is happening to others.  I am still praying how my story might impact another person and be helpful to them in their recovery.  I want them to have some kind of hope that one can survive when the people you care the most about make it their main mission to destroy you.  People might say but my children would never do that.  I ask them, do the parents that were killed by their teenagers or young adults think they would be murdered by their own children?  I am sure not.  I am certain, they were like me, blindsided by the biggest act of betrayal.

And for what gain?  An 18 year old hopes she can push my buttons so I will kick her out of the house so she can go and reside at her boyfriend's family home?  Really?  (Little did she know that her dad found the ally he had been waiting for years - someone to take me out.  I always say those 2 collided at the wrong time.  Neither of them could have carried out what they did without each other.)  She wanted to get booted out and here I get the boot.  She had to keep me from sharing my stories of Mexico.  She had to silence me in a way an 18 year old could - . Having alcohol at her graduation party?  Really?  Having no parental supervision?  Really?

Oh, don't get me started.  More on all that later.  Positive!  I have to stay positive.  I have to focus on love.  Focus on forgiveness.

I am rejoiceful that after one year and a week or so, I am home.  Hallelujah!  It is great.  I lost the 4 most important things to me: my kids, my family, my home and my friends.  And I got one of them back, my home.  Now the state it was in and the stuff stolen I'll save for another post.  And the other 3 I never did get back and after a year, I have accepted it.  I used to think I had some awesome, great kids but I was sadly mistaken.  And that inner group of friends - they were never friends.  Have reconnected with some old friends and had a few that stayed strong throughout.  I haven't really gained a lot of new friends as I think I scare people with my story.

I did gain a best friend, one that will never leave me, one that comforts me daily and provides for me without question and that is the Lord.  Just last night I prayed for friends.  I had my first bout of loneliness over the weekend at the house as my new life is rather quiet and I brought it to my Lord in prayer.  Today I had 5 contacts with friends.  Wow.  Isn't that the coolest thing ever.  Thank you God!

D word

Delete
Done with Drunks.

I had one other D word that was on the list!

Grateful (The book!)

Grateful. Grateful that unlike like last year, there was no April Fool's joke played on me.  Last year's April Fool's prank was so big, so monumental, so many people involved unbeknownst to me.  What my daughter and her then boyfriend played on me was just the tip of the iceberg to what was an orchestration by my daughter and her Dad to destroy me.  Damn near did.   The next 29 days they put me through a hell I will never forget.  They would make sure that I was left with nothing...no friends, no home, no family, no son and no money.  They went far and they went deep to cut my heart out...
A year later and I am blessed to not have any April Fool's Day prank pulled on me.

A year ago, I never knew that I would never have another normal conversation with my daughter again.  I didn't know that her deep desires would wreck me as a person...that because of her I would lose my husband (I know, I know - that should have happened 14+ years ago and he continued to give me reasons to leave him but because of this girl and her brother, I chose to stay because I valued my family more than anything even if their Dad could care less.  Pot smoking and porn was always more important, or at least those things played a close second to being a big shot around town). So this girl, at 18, was able to make it her decision, not mine, that my marriage would end, that my family would end, that I would lose my home, I would lose most of my closest friends, I would lose my reputation, I would lose my mental health and more.
You might ask where was her Dad in all of this?  Wouldn't a Father step in and for lack of better words, give her a swift kick to the rear?  Afraid not. He had snapped.  And his desire to destroy me and blame me for all of his life's failures would fall on me.  It was way more important to destroy me so he would look like the good guy and I would look like a crazy person...funny, how he was able to convince my best friends and my son.  These were the same friends that we traveled with, camped with, spent weekends with, hung out, had deep conversations and all it took for them to walk away was my husband's reaching out to them as a victim with his slippery, slimey ways and they believed him....

Yes, its been a year. Today.  And what a roller coaster ride it has been.  There were days early on, that I didn't think I would recover.  I believed that my heart was broken and would remain broken for the rest of my life. Even now, with a new outlook, a new attitude and a healed heart, I think back too those dark, dark days and I have to hold back the tears when I think of the deep despair that I was in.

It would have been easier to deal with if my inner circle of friends would have been there for me but they were not.  They joined forces with my husband and kids and after hanging so many times, they threw me out like a 'Bic lighter'.  Grateful, that my older friends, that knew my husband and mine story, didn't hesitate for a minute...they knew who he was.  They also knew who I was and more importantly, they knew the Mom that I was to those children.  I didn't have to convince them of anything.  My then current friends I had to try and convince that I wasn't the person that my husband and my daughter portrayed.  They believed the lies....Needless to say, those people I tried to convince are no longer a part of my life. These same friends shared what they believed to be true and shared it with others as well.   There were also many that never bothered to check in but ended up rallying around my daughter because she is beautiful with a perpetual smile....even when she became a falling down drunk, they supported her.  Enough of that.....It really is true that in times of trouble you will know who your true friends are.  I also found that grown woman still have high school mentality, go with the group for fear of being ousted.  I never want to be a part of that mentality.
Little did I know that I would not be able to share my story with the people I would meet without them questioning me...As I got better, I realized that the people I were meeting along the way, thought I must have done something horrible to deserve the fate I received. I met with therapists that didn't believe me and 7 months later, I am still trying to convince my lawyer that my husband and 2 kids lied and set out to destroy me.
A year later.  With the exception of my lawyer, I no longer need to convince anyone of who I am.  I should have walked away from my lawyer because it made for an unhealthy client relationship between us 2.  That has gotten better because I am getting more direct. Plus I realize that I am unable to convince him if his mind is already made up...the judge, their lawyer all believed them...why wouldn't he?
I have a wonderful therapist now, been with her for almost 4 months - I didn't have to convince her either.
I have also been blessed with a family that has supported me and provided for me.  I am forever grateful for that.
I am also so thankful that my Lord carried me through when I didn't think I could.  He continues to walk with me and lead my way.
Yes, its been a year. Over the next 29 days there will be a lot of year markers.  I am ready.  I am happy where I am. Today.  Still got some hurdles to get through but am able to face them and be ready for what lies ahead.

Yes, its been a roller coaster that I was never prepared for but here I am doing OK.  Maybe not on top of the world but ready for my new life.

And here comes the cold...

October 26?  Really?  Where does the time go?   A month ago I was lamenting the passing of summer and here it is on the heels of a cold front and Indian summer is behind us.  Today, was quite chilly with highs in the 40's but with the brilliant sunshine it felt a lot warmer.  The cold is always more tolerable with the sunshine.

I haven't gotten the new blog up yet but I am making progress in a lot of other areas so all in good time.  Throwing myself back into real estate with a new class, Ignite.  Perfect timing to once again jump start my career after taking some time off of prospecting.

Autumn Arrives

Autumn has arrived as much as I long for the warmth of summer days.  Already missing my flip flops, capris, shorts and the longer days.  I miss the warmth the most - really detest being cold and now realize why the older folk around here head south at the first sign of cooler weather (or for the holiday oriented shortly after the holidays.)
No new blog yet.  Got 2 ideas floating around my head but haven't gotten them set up.

Really?

Really?  Its been how long since I have posted on my blog?  Its not because I don't have blogging on my mind, quite the contrary, have given a lot of thought to where I want to take this blogging so stay tuned...going to take a bit to dust off the cobwebs.

A change of mind

After a lot of thought I decided it would be better to keep this blog for various photos, layouts, and rambles so I created a new blog, Project 365 by Kathy for my Project 365 so I can keep that blog clean and simple.
Glad to have made the change early on. Thanks for stopping by!

Day 2 - Office View

Another photo for Project 365.
Prompt today was a view from our computer.
I chose our bowl of golf balls. The jar hold golf tees but evidently we have used most of these.
I am right on target with my photos just off on uploading.

Our New Year Bash.
Where we were betting on the ponies!
I was a winner! Won big - almost $4.00

Who needs Madonna when Teri is in the house.

Only the best stemware for champagne for this classy bunch.

The young set think we are cool enough to hang out with.

Party hat in place adorned with confetti.

Mmmm - not sure who this babe is?

Young and beautiful {biotches}

Shots New Year style.

Teen age boys - need I say more?

Clearly, drinking and exercise don't mix well.
What a blast we had celebrating the New Year. Lots of good food, drink and friends.

Happy New Year - Project 365

Yesterday's photo for Project 365.
Actually it was taken Dec. 31st for Jan. 1st.
I am getting my prompts from Bec at Scrap Orchard and seeing she is on Australian time our prompts come early.
To start us off Bec had us do a self portrait - sigh!
Elle helped me out with this one.

Autumn Festival

Oops. Fell of the blogging wagon again. No surprise there but as always I am going to try and be more regular with my updates. It has been a celebration of autumn colors here in Minnesota. It almost feels like this weekend was our peek. So the kids and I went to the pumpkin patch for photos, pumpkins and more. Went back to another favorite from when the kids were small, Pine Haven. Unlike last year, Pine Haven didn't have all the cool photo ops. Just seemed too commercial and too cutesy not the rustic atmosphere of Berry Hill Farm. This was one of the few photo ops we found.

Maybe we can find some more places to visit when the kids are

off this week for MEA.

There's another autumn festival going on in the Scrap Orchard? Where is that?
Right here online. And it started today!
And today's free"bee" is by the very talented Irena Alexeeva.
I love her stuff! She is Scrap Orchard's newest designer.
I am so lucky to be able to CT for her.
Only one layout done so far.

From her Cloud 9 kit. Love this kit.
Find all the information here.
Day One
So grab your 1st freebie now. It will probably expire around noon tomorrow.

1st Homecoming and 1st....

STREAKERS! Not one streaker, but 6 of them bad boys.
It all started when last year, when the weather was nice, I didn't go to homecoming {have never been to our high school's football games.} And I missed the streaker that was all the talk of town.
So, this year another very warm evening and I know a few of the kids on the team {Jerry was suppose to be starting quarterback} and I thought I ought to go plus I had hopes of seeing a streaker...tee hee.
Kris and I joined Missy and her DD and friends {mostly juniors} who kept us updated on the streaking agenda.
It was fun to be a part of homecoming: the band, the people, the hoopla but the game was not good at all. First quarter the score was 0-21. Ouch and it wasn't pretty.
Half time - no streakers.
Update from the girls in the know was that it was going to be after 3rd quarter being the police presence was high to ward off streakers during half time. Getting a bit bored with the bad beat after half I wasn't too tuned in to the game but sure enough with about 3 minutes left on the clock during 3rd quarter there they were....
Oh, the excitement they created. The crowd went wild! At first I think there were 4, with 2 stragglers behind them and only one police officer chasing him that dropped his walkie talkie from the get go. Isn't this hilarious? They jumped about 2-3 fences. The last fellow in the bottom photo I know by sight - too funny. Rumor has it that 2 out of 6 were caught.
I found these photos on MySpace.
And for the record, the game started out in the low 80's and was still 73 when it was over - that's awesome weather for football in MN. Many homecomings mitten, jackets, blankets aren't enough to keep the cold out. Oh, and I almost forgot, end score was 0-39 - ugh!
So, I am one step closer to having completed my life.

Dream big...

Despite all the national despair over this entire economic diseaster I have hope. I bought a lottery ticket today worth 2oo million. Don't buy them very often but there was a little note at the counter at the convenience store that said "omg, lottery 200 million" and I'm like over all of that. So, for 1.00 I can dream big. With that amount of money my new bail out tax won't hurt like its going to do. I asked the cashier, an older guy, and he is like no, I don't gamble. Is it gambling? Perhaps, but I like to think its a dollar to dream really big versus being preoccupied with the national economy (maybe I should turn off CNN).
I also think that all the bankers, lenders, politicains, etc. that got us in this mess should pool their money and go in and buy a bunch of lottery tickets and they could pay off part of the debt if they won.
So, I am dreaming big but I have a few questions.
Whats going to become of the protesters gathering in at least 20 cities, Mpls. included?
What if you are unemployed, do you still have to pay your part?
What if you are one of them that lost their home due to foreclosure/short sale, do you still have to come up with the funds?

Trying this again....

I finally blogged yesterday and as I uploaded my pictures the internet froze and I lost it all. Really hate when that happens. Ugh.
Now if I can remember what I wrote about. lol
Actually it was about the changes that fall brings and the newest ones we face today nationally.
Between the presidential race and the collapse of some major financial institutions. What a mess.
I am really concerned what this means for me and my family as well as my community. Definitely scary times.
Fall is always a time for change and reflection. One change is both the kids are in high school and that brings new challenges.

Almost 16

Sweet Melody kit by Bren Boone

last game

Little Stars by AmyLeigh Fennell Designs

I've been scrapping a ton and the layouts above are about some of the changes with the kids.

I guess its harder to recap yesterday's post which was quite long so I will leave it at that.

Michigan album - so far...

Hard to believe but that's it. Done. Finished. Over.
Summer is done. Again.
I am always a bit sad with the conclusion of Labor Day weekend and the Eve of the kids going back to school. A bit bittersweet.
Time to start anew.
And I love fall.
Its what is around the corner that isn't always welcome - winter.

Been working on a gift album for our friends in Michigan.

This is the 6 of us ready to take Laurie to work and eat in Sutton Bay.

Credits:
Still Life by Annick Philibert at Scrap Orchard
Time Word Art by Elegant Wordart by Bethany

Last Sunday on Long Lake {Mike and Christy's Lake}

Man, here it is the end of summer already.
As always it has gone by way too fast -only one more big hurrah left: Labor Day.
Christy and Mike had us out to their place for a BBQ.
What a great place to hang on their 10 acres overlooking the lake.
We boated, jet skied, talked, 4 wheeled, giggled, ate good, drank, campfired and basically were merry.
Shannon and Belle were both in a wedding the previous day and brought their dresses to show us. What a fabulous idea.
Here are a few of them - unedited.

Isn't she the cutest thing ever? And she has such an awesome personality.

Mom Shannon is way awesome, too.

Who is this hot dog? Dang~!

Who is the hot dog in the lake? Dang~!

Been doing a bit of scrappin', too. Got to play with this fabulous kit last night. Love it and so easy to work with but can't tell ya anything more because it hasn't been released yet.

ETA - Bren Broone Design's new kit, Sweet Melody, is an exclusive at Scrap Orchard for her guest designing the month of Sept.

...off for girls weekend.

Its here. Girls weekend up on Eagle Lake. Will head out once I get some work done and get Elle to her US Soccer Cup game this afternoon.
But 1st I have to show you what really made my day back in June - the Bloody Mary stock photo I used on the invitation reminded me of what one of the gals did for me after creating a last minute grad invite for her son.
Yep, a Bloody Mary basket! Can you believe it? I about died when she gave me this. So sweet and generous! Vodka, mix, salt, olives, red pepper and meat sticks which my hubby ate. Love this. Thanks so much Wendy!
I looked at this basket for a month when I finally had myself a Bloody Mary at the lake over the 4th when we had a morning Texas Hold 'Em game on the patio. So very good but no other Bloody Mary drinkers in the bunch. And it was an excellent game, too.

Thanks again Wendy. See you this weekend.

At the lake

I haven't blogged in forever.
Seems only a short while ago that I was going to use my blog to record all of our summer activities and here it is after the 4th of July and I have barely been here.
We spent the week at the lake last week for 10 days. I can easily say we got over 500 pictures and the one above is one of my favorites of my DD even though she doesn't agree.

Another busy day. DD and I are leaving soon for a bit of garage saling and shopping. Tonight I am helping out one of the bunko babes and hostessing her bunko party here because she doesn't have air which means some more cleaning around here - ugh!

Credits: B-Creative Designs's Too Much Joy kit at Scrap Orchard.

Amber.
One of Jared's best friends.
Wanted to do some fun single photo layouts and Amber's recent photos are so fun that she is letting me use some to catch up on my designer work.
Isn't she beautiful?

Trendy Chick by AmyLeigh Fennell

Elle and Nick

I did this last night for Elle to put in her gift album to Nick.
I just love these photos and brings back such good memories.
It was the only time the 3 of us were alone of our party of 26 in Mexico.
Wasn't real sure what was going on with these 2 but I thought I should snag some pictures just in case - so, capturing these were a bit awkard but I am glad I did.
Over 3 months later they are still together.
Credits here

Today I am heading over to Nick's mom to dice and chop in prep for his grad party on Sunday.
Elle and Jessie are going to put together a story board.
Nick graduates tonight so Elle will be going.

No sun yet. Cool. Cloudy.
Where did summer go?

First Day

of
Summer Vacation!
which I love. Kids first day off today.
Going to try and blog everyday of summer so once it speeds by I can go back and see what we actually did. Here in Minnesota we have to cram in so many activities that summer goes by way too fast and by August the mojo starts slowing down.
It started out way hectic yesterday.
I picked up Elle at the high school and Jared and 6 of his friends from the middle school. And we head to the grocery store? Am I nuts? Ya! But I had to go - it was the chain grocery store's dollar days which happen once every 3 months and no way am I missing the good deals. Grocery store was nuts. No carts available so had to walk out to the parking lot to grab one. DD and I made a good team but I didn't keep my eye on my middle schoolers. Check out lines were long and all the kids had gathered with me and I ran into a Mexico friend so got to chat away while all but my DS & DD got kicked out. LOL
Home for golf league. Surprisingly the sun came out as did the humidity - can you say a bit hot in jeans and golf shoes. Round started out OK, went way downhill and then I totally rocked it the last few holes.
Susan and I took my cart over to Kris's where they were having drinks in the gazebo with Joel and his girlfriend - good laughs and chatter. Eventually I loaded them all on my golf cart and brought them to the Haven where one of my young friends wanted to chat about "buying a shack."
Most of Jared's friends were gone but a few were still there. Nick was over. Ian and Nate stayed over.
Woke up today and as forecasted it was overcast. Elle and I really wanted to garage sale but she had a student council meeting, 10- 3, ugh! The boys slept in, hung out and Kendra came over to be with them.
Eventually all those kids left and Elle went to hang out at Jessie's with Jordan - Nick and Jerry made it there, too, at some point. She really wanted to spend the night but we got a crazy day tomorrow and heck, Jessie is her BF's sister.
Thunderstorms have been rolling in and out most of the evening.
Sitting here today it felt like summer with the ominous feeling of a big storm.

down by the docks

I wanted to get a ton of pictures this Memorial Day weekend.
The weather was so-so but on Sunday we had blue sunny skies and temps in the 80's which made for a lot of happy campers - me included.
I believe I met my goal and ended up with a ton of pictures.

(Shoot, I wanted to include a photo from starting out but I don't have a grasp on my new network so will save that for later.)

We went on a walk to one of my favorite photo shoot locations.
Here is one of them - already scrapped.

down by the docks.
jared and cristy.

A Mother's Love by Scrap Orchard designers and Sticks and Stones by Ziggle Designs.

Kris and I

Another vacation photo of my friend and I in the Yucatan Jungle about ready to Zip Line.
I am going to frame this for her because we both agreed that it was a pretty decent picture of the two of us. I know for me, its a real blue moon to get a decent photo.
And this brings back good memories of our adventure into the jungle - it may look like we are drinking something strong there but it was only water. It was very hot and they worked us...walking and biking...and this was all in the beginning.
Stay tuned for my Memorial Day photography challenge coming soon.
Brand new kit, Coca Bell, from the very talented ScrapShana.
Coca Bell

Cool, rainy weekend.

Man, I miss these days!

Hanging at the pool or in this case, playing at the pool.
Photos are from our vacation this past Feb.

I had visions of being at the pool this past weekend as the pool was opening this weekend at our campground. Not. Too cold.
We went down to our campground to open it up for the season.
Saturday morning was cool but in the early afternoon it started to drizzle and then the rains came and came - didn't stop. Ugh!
I am so waiting for summer - feels like it will never get here.

AmyLeigh Design's kit Big Sister