Monday, May 21, 2012

Someone read my blog.  I didn't realize that people would find my blog and actually read it.

That only means I really need to find a new home for my blog.  I have so much to say about so many things.
Injustice.  Accusations.  Healing.  Love.  Forgiveness.  Hope. Recovery. Strength.

I never wrote on the anniversary dates of all those horrific events of last April.  Wish I would have.  Even more so I wish I would have kept a blog at that time.  A lot of journaling was done but never enough.  Lots of grateful lists penned.  The story needs to be told.  If this could happen to me it is happening to others.  I am still praying how my story might impact another person and be helpful to them in their recovery.  I want them to have some kind of hope that one can survive when the people you care the most about make it their main mission to destroy you.  People might say but my children would never do that.  I ask them, do the parents that were killed by their teenagers or young adults think they would be murdered by their own children?  I am sure not.  I am certain, they were like me, blindsided by the biggest act of betrayal.

And for what gain?  An 18 year old hopes she can push my buttons so I will kick her out of the house so she can go and reside at her boyfriend's family home?  Really?  (Little did she know that her dad found the ally he had been waiting for years - someone to take me out.  I always say those 2 collided at the wrong time.  Neither of them could have carried out what they did without each other.)  She wanted to get booted out and here I get the boot.  She had to keep me from sharing my stories of Mexico.  She had to silence me in a way an 18 year old could - . Having alcohol at her graduation party?  Really?  Having no parental supervision?  Really?

Oh, don't get me started.  More on all that later.  Positive!  I have to stay positive.  I have to focus on love.  Focus on forgiveness.

I am rejoiceful that after one year and a week or so, I am home.  Hallelujah!  It is great.  I lost the 4 most important things to me: my kids, my family, my home and my friends.  And I got one of them back, my home.  Now the state it was in and the stuff stolen I'll save for another post.  And the other 3 I never did get back and after a year, I have accepted it.  I used to think I had some awesome, great kids but I was sadly mistaken.  And that inner group of friends - they were never friends.  Have reconnected with some old friends and had a few that stayed strong throughout.  I haven't really gained a lot of new friends as I think I scare people with my story.

I did gain a best friend, one that will never leave me, one that comforts me daily and provides for me without question and that is the Lord.  Just last night I prayed for friends.  I had my first bout of loneliness over the weekend at the house as my new life is rather quiet and I brought it to my Lord in prayer.  Today I had 5 contacts with friends.  Wow.  Isn't that the coolest thing ever.  Thank you God!

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