Sunday Slide

Done. Over. Finished. Completed. Ended. Wrapped up. Closed.

Exactly 14 months, 2 weeks and 4 days later and I am DIVORCED!


Woo hoo!  I believe this will always be one of the happiest days of my life....I have been over the top ecstatic starting last night and throughout the day.  The tears of joy have laid in waiting.  Though right now I am exhausted!  Spent.

I am almost numb with exhaustion but writing this makes me smile....big!

What a journey.  Amazing.  Incredible.

Tomorrow!  I am excited.  For tomorrow.

Its over.  No  more reports, no more motions, no more negotiating.  The family I would have gone to the end of the earth for  and continually did and would have over and over because I loved them that much decided that I would be better off that I be dead than alive and they damn near were successful in their desires.  But here I am alive, thriving and so ready to embrace life, love and more

I survived!  I persevered. I mended my broken heart when I didn't think it was possible.

Single homeowner.

Realtor.

Not now!

Someone read my blog.  I didn't realize that people would find my blog and actually read it.

That only means I really need to find a new home for my blog.  I have so much to say about so many things.
Injustice.  Accusations.  Healing.  Love.  Forgiveness.  Hope. Recovery. Strength.

I never wrote on the anniversary dates of all those horrific events of last April.  Wish I would have.  Even more so I wish I would have kept a blog at that time.  A lot of journaling was done but never enough.  Lots of grateful lists penned.  The story needs to be told.  If this could happen to me it is happening to others.  I am still praying how my story might impact another person and be helpful to them in their recovery.  I want them to have some kind of hope that one can survive when the people you care the most about make it their main mission to destroy you.  People might say but my children would never do that.  I ask them, do the parents that were killed by their teenagers or young adults think they would be murdered by their own children?  I am sure not.  I am certain, they were like me, blindsided by the biggest act of betrayal.

And for what gain?  An 18 year old hopes she can push my buttons so I will kick her out of the house so she can go and reside at her boyfriend's family home?  Really?  (Little did she know that her dad found the ally he had been waiting for years - someone to take me out.  I always say those 2 collided at the wrong time.  Neither of them could have carried out what they did without each other.)  She wanted to get booted out and here I get the boot.  She had to keep me from sharing my stories of Mexico.  She had to silence me in a way an 18 year old could - . Having alcohol at her graduation party?  Really?  Having no parental supervision?  Really?

Oh, don't get me started.  More on all that later.  Positive!  I have to stay positive.  I have to focus on love.  Focus on forgiveness.

I am rejoiceful that after one year and a week or so, I am home.  Hallelujah!  It is great.  I lost the 4 most important things to me: my kids, my family, my home and my friends.  And I got one of them back, my home.  Now the state it was in and the stuff stolen I'll save for another post.  And the other 3 I never did get back and after a year, I have accepted it.  I used to think I had some awesome, great kids but I was sadly mistaken.  And that inner group of friends - they were never friends.  Have reconnected with some old friends and had a few that stayed strong throughout.  I haven't really gained a lot of new friends as I think I scare people with my story.

I did gain a best friend, one that will never leave me, one that comforts me daily and provides for me without question and that is the Lord.  Just last night I prayed for friends.  I had my first bout of loneliness over the weekend at the house as my new life is rather quiet and I brought it to my Lord in prayer.  Today I had 5 contacts with friends.  Wow.  Isn't that the coolest thing ever.  Thank you God!

D word

Delete
Done with Drunks.

I had one other D word that was on the list!

Grateful (The book!)

Grateful. Grateful that unlike like last year, there was no April Fool's joke played on me.  Last year's April Fool's prank was so big, so monumental, so many people involved unbeknownst to me.  What my daughter and her then boyfriend played on me was just the tip of the iceberg to what was an orchestration by my daughter and her Dad to destroy me.  Damn near did.   The next 29 days they put me through a hell I will never forget.  They would make sure that I was left with nothing...no friends, no home, no family, no son and no money.  They went far and they went deep to cut my heart out...
A year later and I am blessed to not have any April Fool's Day prank pulled on me.

A year ago, I never knew that I would never have another normal conversation with my daughter again.  I didn't know that her deep desires would wreck me as a person...that because of her I would lose my husband (I know, I know - that should have happened 14+ years ago and he continued to give me reasons to leave him but because of this girl and her brother, I chose to stay because I valued my family more than anything even if their Dad could care less.  Pot smoking and porn was always more important, or at least those things played a close second to being a big shot around town). So this girl, at 18, was able to make it her decision, not mine, that my marriage would end, that my family would end, that I would lose my home, I would lose most of my closest friends, I would lose my reputation, I would lose my mental health and more.
You might ask where was her Dad in all of this?  Wouldn't a Father step in and for lack of better words, give her a swift kick to the rear?  Afraid not. He had snapped.  And his desire to destroy me and blame me for all of his life's failures would fall on me.  It was way more important to destroy me so he would look like the good guy and I would look like a crazy person...funny, how he was able to convince my best friends and my son.  These were the same friends that we traveled with, camped with, spent weekends with, hung out, had deep conversations and all it took for them to walk away was my husband's reaching out to them as a victim with his slippery, slimey ways and they believed him....

Yes, its been a year. Today.  And what a roller coaster ride it has been.  There were days early on, that I didn't think I would recover.  I believed that my heart was broken and would remain broken for the rest of my life. Even now, with a new outlook, a new attitude and a healed heart, I think back too those dark, dark days and I have to hold back the tears when I think of the deep despair that I was in.

It would have been easier to deal with if my inner circle of friends would have been there for me but they were not.  They joined forces with my husband and kids and after hanging so many times, they threw me out like a 'Bic lighter'.  Grateful, that my older friends, that knew my husband and mine story, didn't hesitate for a minute...they knew who he was.  They also knew who I was and more importantly, they knew the Mom that I was to those children.  I didn't have to convince them of anything.  My then current friends I had to try and convince that I wasn't the person that my husband and my daughter portrayed.  They believed the lies....Needless to say, those people I tried to convince are no longer a part of my life. These same friends shared what they believed to be true and shared it with others as well.   There were also many that never bothered to check in but ended up rallying around my daughter because she is beautiful with a perpetual smile....even when she became a falling down drunk, they supported her.  Enough of that.....It really is true that in times of trouble you will know who your true friends are.  I also found that grown woman still have high school mentality, go with the group for fear of being ousted.  I never want to be a part of that mentality.
Little did I know that I would not be able to share my story with the people I would meet without them questioning me...As I got better, I realized that the people I were meeting along the way, thought I must have done something horrible to deserve the fate I received. I met with therapists that didn't believe me and 7 months later, I am still trying to convince my lawyer that my husband and 2 kids lied and set out to destroy me.
A year later.  With the exception of my lawyer, I no longer need to convince anyone of who I am.  I should have walked away from my lawyer because it made for an unhealthy client relationship between us 2.  That has gotten better because I am getting more direct. Plus I realize that I am unable to convince him if his mind is already made up...the judge, their lawyer all believed them...why wouldn't he?
I have a wonderful therapist now, been with her for almost 4 months - I didn't have to convince her either.
I have also been blessed with a family that has supported me and provided for me.  I am forever grateful for that.
I am also so thankful that my Lord carried me through when I didn't think I could.  He continues to walk with me and lead my way.
Yes, its been a year. Over the next 29 days there will be a lot of year markers.  I am ready.  I am happy where I am. Today.  Still got some hurdles to get through but am able to face them and be ready for what lies ahead.

Yes, its been a roller coaster that I was never prepared for but here I am doing OK.  Maybe not on top of the world but ready for my new life.